When you’re an LGBTIQ person living in a heteronormative and cisnormative world, encounters of subtle discrimination, known as microaggressions, are a frustrating yet often unavoidable part of daily life. Understanding that complete prevention is probably impossible — how should we respond to the microaggressions we face, within and outside of current discussions around gender identity and sexual orientation?

🧐 DETERMINE

Do you respond? You don’t have to. Addressing a microaggression takes effort and you’re not obliged to do it. Is the person important to you? Will speaking up or staying silent have consequences? Think about how you feel and whether the effort is worth it for you.

🎙 DISARM

When people are called out, it’s in their nature to feel defensive. Help them understand that these kinds of conversations can be uncomfortable for everyone but that it’s worth it to you both to openly discuss it. Invite them to sit alongside you in the awkwardness of their words or deeds while you get to the root of their behavior together.

✊🏿 RESIST

Use a question, such as “How do you mean that?”. This gives people a chance to check themselves as they unpack what happened. Acknowledge that you accept their intentions to be as they stated but reframe the conversation around the impact of the microaggression. Explain how you initially interpreted it and why. If they continue to assert that they “didn’t mean it like that,” remind them that you appreciate their willingness to clarify their intent and hope they appreciate your willingness to clarify their impact.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ DECIDE

What can you control? It won’t be what people say/do to you, but you can control what you take from the situation and what it takes from you. Life is sufficiently taxing without allowing microaggressions to bring you down. Let protecting your joy be your greatest and most persistent act of resistance.

Source: Harvard Business Review, Micropedia